New writer alert! Amy Greenlee’s work has appeared in McSweeney’s, Points in Case, Slackjaw, The Belladonna, Frazzled, and Jane Austen’s Wastebasket. She is the creator and lapsed caretaker of . You can also find her on Bluesky.
Semicolons can be used to connect independent clauses that are closely related.
They can also be used to connect clauses that are unrelated—but only if the clauses grew up in the same house and were never told they were adopted.
Never use a semicolon to connect a dependent clause, unless the clause has filed for emancipation or you are writing a poem.
If you are writing a poem, you should sprinkle semicolons everywhere to distract the reader from how terrible your poem is.
Using one semicolon will make you seem smart, but using two semicolons will make you seem insufferable.
Under no circumstances should you use three semicolons, unless you are writing a list.
You can use semicolons in a list to separate items that are long, complex, or prone to infighting. Semicolons should always be used to separate the names of Russian family members and Game of Thrones characters.
If you want to use a semicolon in an elevated way, you can pair it with a conjunctive adjective. The only problem is that you have to remember what a conjunctive adjective is.
A single, well-placed semicolon can raise your grade on a term paper by one whole letter if you are in Mrs. Douglas’ class.
Using a semicolon as part of a winky face is not considered “well-placed,” regardless of whose class you are in.
A lot of people have stopped using semicolons, and nobody knows why. They aren’t bulky like fax machines or hard to fold like maps, so it can’t be one of those reasons.
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t need a bachelor’s degree to use a semicolon—although a little college experience is preferred.
Some people are afraid to use semicolons because they think they will be judged for using them incorrectly, and they are right to feel this way.
Among members of Gen Z, the use of a semicolon is considered rude.
In text messages, semicolons can be read as aggressive, so you should only use them when absolutely necessary or when texting your sister.
If you are ever wondering if a semicolon is absolutely necessary, it’s probably not. Most semicolons can be replaced with periods. Also, it’s likely that the sentence you’re writing does not need to exist.
Out of all the semicolons ever used, only two were found to be completely unavoidable, and they were both used by Jane Austen.
Whenever possible, you should use semicolons sparingly because there are only so many in the world, and once they are gone we have no way to bring them back!
Most of the earth’s remaining semicolons are located in Britain, although history shows they did not originate there.
Ninety-seven percent of Millennials say they will never be able to pay full price for an authentic semicolon.
Counterfeit semicolons, while more affordable, are often just periods and commas that have been smooshed together. Standard-sized periods—as you know—are available at every corner drug store, and wild commas are often found growing alongside highways.
If you think a semicolon might be a counterfeit, all you have to do is give the upper dot a little tug. Most of them will pop right off.
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