Everything must go!
After thirty-seven years of serving this community’s most impractical needs, we’re closing our doors. Our accountant has determined we’ve been operating at “a profoundly consistent loss.” The health inspector has questions we cannot answer, and our landlord wants to rent to someone who pays in actual currency.
Hurry — these amazing products won’t be around for long:
Glow-in-the-Dark Sundial — Batteries not included (also not required)
Inflatable Whistle — Helium recommended for higher pitches
Microwavable Aquarium — Fish sold separately
Waterproof Sponge — Buy one, get one
Smoke-Scented Candle — Warning: highly flammable
Audiobook Transcripts — And reverse movie adaptations
Noise-Canceling Alarm Clock — Snooze button set to “Loud”
Tooth-Flavored Chewing Gum — Wisdom-tooth flavor out of stock
Non-Stick Glue — Bonds only to itself
Camouflage Highlighter — Disappears on most papers
Bluetooth Cable — Pairing required
Megaphone with “Whisper Mode” — For indoor shouting
Confetti for When You’re Sad — Available in ten different shades of brown
Hypochondria Medicine — Side effects may include everything
The Inconvenience Store is open 24/7. And by that we mean twenty-four hours spread across seven days. No credit cards, no cash, no checks — payment must be made in advance, following your purchase. No refunds.
Items On Sale At The Inconvenience Store was originally published in Slackjaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
Leave a Reply