The Teaser Trailer For The TV Spot Of The Full-Length Trailer Of The Prequel Film Will Air After These Messages
The wait is finally over.
Good people of this theater, the wait is finally over… soon.
This summer, experience Dawn of the Rise of the Beginning: Origins. Learn how the start REALLY got started. After all, heroes aren’t born, they’re made. But they were also born, right? So which hospital was it? Was it a water birth? Were they a premie? There’s always a prequel if you look hard enough. (Tickets for a preview of the premiere of PREMIE are on presale now.)
But to tide you over, we hope you enjoy the trailer for Dawn of the Rise of the Beginning: Origins! The wait for the trailer is finally over…. a few months from now. Delay gratification, people. You’re salivating like those kids in the marshmallow test. It’s embarrassing. If we gave you everything you wanted, you’d have nothing to look forward to.
Look, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Nor was it built in two days. In fact, I’d bet Romulus and Remus announced their city’s opening date before they even paid their VFX artists (in Roman numerals, that’s a lot of artists).
But don’t worry — we’ll throw you a bone. The wait is finally over… this Sunday. Keep an eye out for our TV spot at the Super Bowl. Maybe to be safe, keep both eyes out (it’ll be blink-and-you’ll-miss-it). For $5 million, we booked the corner of the screen during the coin toss.
Disappointed? We’re reminded of that old Chinese proverb: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single still shot of a path, the sound of gravel underfoot, next a flashing title card that says ‘Take a Hike: Summer 2029,’ and then the period at the end of ‘Summer 2029’ transforms into a question mark to give the studio some wiggle room.” Laozi said that.
Our goal is to leave you wanting more. And by more, we mean all of it. Still hungry for a taste, a mere morsel of Dawn of the Rise of the Beginning: Origins? Hmph. Fine. The wait is finally over. We’ll allow one trailer for the trailer. A teaser.
Because it’s just like a strip tease. You know how, before the stripper removes any garments, she flashes you some ankle? But before she flashes some ankle, she makes an announcement that her bare ankle will be appearing imminently? But before revealing which ankle, she declares that her five little piggies will be returning in the next installment of the GCU (Gentlemen’s Club Universe).
Anyhoo, folks, the wait is finally over. A countdown for the teaser trailer… of Dawn of the Rise of the Beginning: Origins… commences… right… now…
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
5: Part II…
5 the 3rd: The Final Fivening…
4…
3…
2…
Wonderful news! Before the clip, there’s a few words from our sponsors. Dawn of the Rise of the Beginning: Origins is brought to you by Russian Nesting Dolls. Russian Nesting Dolls: Because the existence of one fun thing necessitates an endless supply of diminishing returns.
Okay, okay, time for the teaser. Cinephiles, the wait is finally finally over.
Now we just need to write the movie.
Luke Herzog is a Brooklyn-based comedy writer, author, and playwright. Find more of his work here.
To watch Luke perform this piece live, stream / attend the NYC “Slackjaw Live” show on on 3/8.
The Teaser Trailer For The TV Spot Of The Full-Length Trailer Of The Prequel Film Will Air After… was originally published in Slackjaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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